1. My brother is a perfect boy friend, he is very possessive about his girl. He can instruct me about how I should talk to her/deal with her/treat her. But can never do the same with her cause she might feel bad. If all three of us are together, he will expect me to understand if the whole of his attention is diverted towards her for she is new to our family and should feel comfortable. He can easily ask me to leave if he’s talking to her over the phone. I should understand, they are after all seeing each other, they deserve the privacy. About me feeling bad, well it is out of the question.

My boy friend is a perfect brother, he is very possessive about his sister. He can instruct me about how to talk to her or deal with her/treat her. But can never do the same with her cause she might feel bad. . If all three of us are together, he will expect me to understand if the whole of his attention is diverted towards her for I am new to the family and she might feel awkward if he pays more attention towards me than her. He can easily ask me to hang up if we’re talking and his sister happens to enter the room. I should understand, she is after all his sister, she might feel awkward. About me feeling bad, well it is out of the question.

I understand how both of them feel. I dont like being the one who has to understand.

2. I have become very quite generally. My family thinks I have grown into the stage where I feel more comfortable talking/discussing with people my age. E.g. with my boyfriend. They believe me to be very attached to him and quite dependent on him. When I am upset, they assume I’ll be ok in a while. I’ll talk it out with Anant after all he’s my boy friend, I must be comfortable discussing all sorts of things with him, if not with them.

My boy friend is a very independent person. He expects me not to be dependent on anybody. He is very attached with his family and assumes me to be ok when we have fought etc… after all I have my family to bank on. He likes being on his own when he is upset, I hence do not feel too comfortable going up to him when I am upset cause I feel he wont understand my need to talk right then.

I hate being on my own when I am upset, too lonely to describe.

3. I have few friends in college. Most of them have left and are working. Well, the ones in college think I am too attached to my other friends so maybe that’s why I do not talk too much or share stuff with them. They think I am too busy with other chores because of which I do not spend time with them.

The ones who are working think I have friends in college and of course my school friends as well, so maybe that’s why I do not talk too much with them or share stuff with them. They think I am too busy with other chores because of which I do not spend time with them.

The ones from school are very attached with their college friends and have their own lives. They assume I am attached with my friends from college and that’s why do not talk too much with them or share stuff with them. They think I am too busy with other chores because of which I do not spend time with them.
I miss my sister who is no more and my sister who lives out of town, whom I get to meet once a year.

4. I share a weird relationship with my brother. He usually takes me for granted cause I am four years younger to him. We are hardly friends cause he has always been an elder brother figure for me. At times he is very rude with me, but I cant really complain about it, whom should I complain to?

I share a very strange relationship with my boy friend, it is too formal. I usually do not discuss family troubles with him cause he would NEVER discuss stuff about his family, so it would obviously be weird if I did.

I wish neither of the above were true, sadly both are.

5. I am applying to universities for my masters next year. My family thinks I am applying cause Anant is applying too.

Anant would be ARE-YOU-OUT-OF-YOUR-MIND if he got to know this.

I think I am applying cause I want to be on my own and I really want to do this.

AM I over reacting or is my life really screwed?

After several unsuccessful attempts at trying to write a post about things in specific, I shall resort to penning arbitrary even incomplete thoughts. Please bear with me I just have to write!

I make it a point to watch the movie after having read the book. Never have I found a movie doing justice to its text counterpart. It must be really frustrating for the author. Since, what one has watched is bound to carry a deeper impression than what one has read. I'm reading "The Zahir" by Paulo Coelho. He apparently does not approve of movies of books being made either.

I read "The Namesake" a while back and watched the movie. Not cause I do not trust my imagination but cause I was curious to see another person's interpretations of the various scenes that I had so tastefully created in my mind. Never the less, I was disappointed. The only segment that stuck to me was a song from the movie. That, I had not fashioned in my personal movie version of the book!

When I read a book or watch a movie, I am usually not affected by it. I cannot stop myself from contemplating about what I read (or watched) though. In "The Zahir" his (the author's) wife believes that no one is really happy. They are either pretending to be. Or dodge from answering the question. She shifts to a war zone for she believes that it is the only place where people are close to being happy since they are the ones who truly value life. They do not have the privilege of being sad since they know that what they have this moment could all be gone in the very next instant.

I am not happy. Not to say that I am sad. I am just not happy (not happy is not equal to unhappy). Given that I have no reason to be sad; life is normal, I'm doing fine in college, I've got a job, I intend to study further I should be. But, I am not. I am quieter than usual, my demeanor suggests that I am calm but my mind is restive. I'm looking for something, what I do not know. I get the feeling that maybe this is where I search for the purpose of my life. I do not believe that I have one sole purpose. Though, I should be doing something, which is more meaningful. What bother’s me is that I am not driven towards anything in particular. Every action, every movement seems mechanical.

I have to apply to universities by the end of this month. Finally made the first draft of my SoP (statement of purpose). Have lots more to do. I'm progressing fine.

I had been searching for a song over the net (the same one I saw in "The Namesake", the movie!) A very old friend managed to retrieve it and gifted it to me for my birthday. Felt good!

Snapshots Courtesy: Urjit.
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