tunia

5 nights is the most that I've stayed up at a stretch. Were the worst five nights of my life. I had lost my sister. Damn I miss her so much. Lost her on the 19th of november 2004. I still remember postponing a call to her till the 20th. I had to scold her, " How could she have forgotten to wish me on my anniversary?"(18th) .

I would stay up thinkin about her, tryin to feel her presence,by feelin her clothes, trying to find her essence in the room that we used to share. Stay up all night talking. I'd sit on the couch in my room, where she used to sit and yak yak yak! :) . I vividly remember her sitting there and talking to me just five days before she left. I'd make imaginary conversations with her in my mind. I was like a personal diary to her. She mustave been the coolest elder sister in the world! Still dont know why she took that last decision of leaving a weeek earlier for college. She just did not listen to anybody. She tried talking to me. Why was I fucking busy? She called me before leaving, I was out.
I couldn't sleep, would I never really see her again? Somehow losing my grandparents had not been as tough. They were 75. Nanaji(grand father) had cancer. He was bed ridden, he was too ill and naniji(grand mother) had lost nanaji (reason enough for her to quit).

I never thought i'd be able to break this personal insomniac record of mine. But I'm almost there. This is the fifth night and no signs of sleep.

I just lay here feeling uncomfortable,peturbed to no extent (will this ever end? do ppl really get what I'm sayin? ), uneasy, neglected, unloved, restless, scared.

Sleep is to give your mind rest. your body can rest while you're awake and simply lying down. Dont know why but these extra sleepless nights are turning me crazy. Do I need help?

I just lay there,fooling myself,my parents (who ironically think I sleep a bit too much! since I put myself to bed early and get out of it late. So they would have to bere with this ugly, tired, tensed face that I come across everytime I look into the mirror as little as possible) .

I just can't get this. I have to get some sleep.
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:)
tunia

Smiling faces look beautiful!
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