Robert Frost:
The best way out is always through. The impossible is often the untried.

Samuel Jackson:
Clear your mind of CAN'T

Henry Ford:
You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do. The world belongs to the enthusiast who keeps his cool. Life shrinks or expands proportional to one's courage. Trouble is only opportunity in work clothes Ability may get you to the top, but it is character that will keep you there. Whether you believe you can do a thing or not. You are right.

Mark Twain:
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know. Self confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings
caboodle mix :: 0 reflections | edit post

Life sucks completely. I hate everything that is happenin in it at the moment and I have no one but myself to blame for it. I am irristated, frustrated, stressed, depressed, irritable, uncomfortable, not well (this fucking cold just does not seem to leave me) There are times when I feel like simply leaving everything and running away. But, I know it would just keep following. The past whole year has probably been the worst year of my life. The effect just doesn't seem to end. Waiting for either god to get over with screwing my life or him giving me immenese amounts of patience to bere with it. There are people who make me uncomfortable, even the thought of them burns me up from inside. I hate something that remote being able to control my feelings. ( very good,to morbid) Dont believe me? Had I sat down to write this just 15mins back, it'd have been a very different post.


Waiting for the spring of my life to reappear. For these days to end soon, for me to be stronger, more mature and sensible. I am trying to hold on, its slipping and the strings are going to snap any moment.
God makes you go through bad times, so you'd realise the value of good times. I beleive in this, it keeps me going. But how much longer?
caboodle mix :: , , 1 reflections | edit post

The simplest, most down to earth, humble, pure hearted people I've known so far, my naniji(grandma) and nanaji (grandpa). Naniji,always had this pleasant calm expression on her face, looking at which would take half your problems away, and the other half would vanish after spending time with her. No wonder my nanaji was crazy ♥ about her! J Even till his last breath, they hadn't spent more than 2days apart. Other than the ten unfortunate days, that I still dont understand why god made them go through.

They started their day by getting up early in the morning, at around five and having tea along with listening to our national song (vandey mataram by Bankimchandra Chatterji ). That is played on All India Radio every morning 0530hrs (which my mother now, starts her day with! ). Naniji couldn't start her day without writing to someone! (yes, writing a letter!).

My mother married an airforce officer because of which she kept shifting from one town to another. So, they kept in constant touch by writing to each other since both felt letters were more personal. She'd wrote to all her relatives. All her brothers and sisters. Both real and foster. She was the eldest daughter of her parents. With the birth of her younger brother,she lost her mother and she took over the responsibility of the household. Until my great grandfather remarried to my chhoti parnani ( great grandmum ). Who looked after all her children very well, not letting them know even once the diffrence of their origin!

They ( my grandparents ) started their lives together in Jaipur where my naniji and her sister-in-law (they lived like sisters, naniji called her 'ba' ) looked after the whole family. Since my nanaji had lost his mother early in his life. They shifted to Delhi, then Bangkok, then Delhi and then Bareilly.

They travelled the world together. Bangkok, Africa, States, Bhutan, Maynmar and loads of other places. That I am not sure of. My mother along with her three siblings spent the first half of her childhood in Bangkok. After coming back to India, nanaji worked for sometime and then retired with a comfortable salary and a bunglow in one of the most posh areas of the city.

We saw and learnt the concept of simple living and high thinking from them. Being one of the richest people in the locality, not one thing about the way they spoke or lived emphasized that. I feel,I should and why not? I am so proud of them. They lived for each other and for their family. Naniji was not the kinds who spent hours at her mandir,but rather would spend her whole day looking after people helpin them, talking to them. Spreadin smiles by simply being herself.

They gave birth to a daughter whom dey named moosi! (means petite in rajasthani ). She died at the age of two. Naniji went hysterical. She was about to give birth to another child when this happened. Her son ( prakash ) was born 2-3months after her daughter's death. The new born wasn't a healthy child and the doctors were stunned that he made it to the world. A few months later, after going through immense treatments, the baby could not make it and died early in the morning. Naniji knew it was coming but wasn't prepared. What could prepare a mother to lose her child? She suffered with Dysthymia ( a long-term, mild depression that lasts for a minimum of two years. By definition the symptoms are not as severe as with Major Depression, although those with Dysthymia are vulnerable to co-occurring episodes of Major Depression.).

After being treated by various doctors for over two years and under the loving warmth of her husband, naniji was coming through again. Around three years later she gave birth to a son.( R ajendra ),then two years later a daughter( Kaamna )another two years forth another daughter (Kavita,my mother) and two years later another! ( Rachna ). Naniji loved children,she beleived that god had given them so much, they could look after all the children well. Then why not.( obviously she was unaware of 'hum do hamarey do' J! ). She looked after nanaji's siblings and her children together. Since they were all almost the same age. They had three daughters and a son, all of whom have turned into fine adults. My mother's eldest sister, Kaamna died at the age of 23. In an accident. She had just been married 2years and had a son. She lived to see my mother and her youngest sister getting engaged, but could not make it to their wedding. My grandparents adopted her son, since living alone with his father was not something that would have been optimal and his foster mother could not look after him like her own child. They spent the rest of their lives framing the future of their son.

In february 2002, nanaji was diagnosed with cancer of the prostate. He spent the next three months between trips to the hospital for chemotherapy (A type of drug treatment used in cancer. There are over 50 different chemotherapy drugs available. The drugs are used in different ways according to the type of cancer, how advanced it is and the general health of the person being treated.Different chemotherapy drugs may be used alone or in combinations of two or more drugs.) and vising doctors in hope of some treatment. it started with a simple swelling of his foot, which everyone took lightly. Until the reports of his ultrasound came. Mama (their son) came to meet them as frequently as possible(from bareilley ). But, my grandparents couldn't make it through alone anymore. They had to shift in with him.

One morning naniji woke to a serious bout of vomiting and breathing problems. She had to be rushed to the hospital where she was admitted. After a week( which was the maximum time she had spent away from nanaji and the maximum that she could take! ), she started insisting on coming back home. The doctor promised her three more days and she could be off. Meanwhile nanaji visited her alternate days (he was bed ridden and needed help for all his daily chores ). She was to be discharged on the 24th of june(sunday). Nanaji expired at 11:30 pm on the 23rd. Mama rushed to the hospital to bring her home and brought her only in time to see nanaji close his eyes one last time. That day I lost both my grandparents. I say that because naniji lost the will to live then on. She could never understand why god kept them apart for the last ten days of their lives together. She became very ill. Refused to eat anything. The smile that all of us loved to see on her face had vanished for ever. One month later, 23rd july at 11:30 pm, she died on her way to the hospital in the ambulance after suffering a heart attack. My mami (her daughter-in-law) was the only one with her. She died smiling...her last words were " mein unkey paas jaa rahi hun... " ( " I am going to him.. ")

One whole month. All of us had tried to show her all the wonderful things in her life which she still had and could live for. But nobody could imagine her, having to live without nanaji. We would have been selfish to keep her. THEY WERE TRULY MADE FOR EACH OTHER.

I loved her from the first moment I saw her!!!
(00:00 hours after I was born)

I love both of them from the bottom of my heart and cherish each moment I have spent with them. I shall this all till my last breath and I thank god for having me know them.

caboodle mix :: , 3 reflections | edit post

I love coffee! Everything from the essence, black strong coffe, coffee milk, cold coffee, coffee muffins everything! Love it from the core of my heart!! I should not be so proud of saying it, but I am addicted to it!! There are times when my brain stops working, all I can smell is beans of coffee! That intoxicating smell *mmm....:)*
It makes me feel alive, somehow soothes my nerves! Then again, I am very particular about how it is made. Wont just have anything.
Cold coffee, the even mix of froth and milk!!! The lip smackin essence of expresso, that could wake me even from my sleep! (ask my brother) Black coffee during exam nights!

I can proudly say that I make the best coffee in the world! At times, we make 10-20 cups of coffee in the hostel, with one rickety kettle! We love these midnight coffee parties on exam nights! Nothing better than simple indian nescafe classic for me.

me: tempted!!
humming:taste that gets you started up....!!

ps: its my lunch break right now. Got home from the weekend, three days of having coffee morning and evening, I am yerning for it right now and the canteen coffee doesn't appeal as much! :( *groan*
caboodle mix :: , 5 reflections | edit post
Ten Things Men Know About Women:
10. Women Have Boobs!!!
caboodle mix :: 4 reflections | edit post