Love you sweetheart and miss you soo much! Waiting for us to be together again.. Waiting to be in your arms again.. To feel your warmth against me.. To kiss you.. Look at you.. Hold hands with you.. Hopefully time wont be a constraint when we meet now..

caboodle mix :: 2 reflections | edit post

I gave my parents a surprise by coming for my brother’s wedding without notice. I wish my worthless friend Prashant would have captured their emotions on suddenly seeing me. All he managed to capture was my dog’s response as he was over whelmed by my father bursting into tears, my mother repeatedly calling out my name (as if to make sure I was the right person!) and my brother hitting me for some good reason! We had a blast at the wedding! I am so happy I impulsively booked my tickets two months back. I am proud of myself that I managed not to tell my parents about it and successfully gave them and my brother a wonderful surprise!

As I walked into the airport pushing my trolley stacked with the three huge bags of innumerable useless goods I'd stacked myself up with, I felt ashamed of the tears streaming down my cheeks. The good byes with my parents was a completely different scenario. There were no tears, I felt happy about being there for my brother’s wedding even though it was a short trip of just three days. I was able to convince them that I shall be with them whenever they missed me and that there was absolutely no need for anybody to be sad or shed tears for after all we talk everyday over the phone.

Just the thought of saying bye to Anant brought tears to my eyes. I felt weak and miserable and wished I did not have to say bye at all. I cried right from the moment my bags were all packed and I had checked and double checked all my stuff. I had nothing more to do to keep my mind off the fact that I did not know when I would get to see him again. I cried as I hugged him goodbye at the airport, I cried each time I called him till I boarded my flight. I cried sitting in the airplane dreading to fall back into the regular grove of my life after the amazing vacation I had. Now that I sit and think about it here a 35000 feet above land, I do not feel so ashamed anymore. If anything I am yet again amused by god’s own ways of handling things.

I now know that there was nothing wrong in the way I behaved both the times. I know that my feelings are not biased towards someone I met just five years back (WE COMPLETE FIVE YEARS ON 18th NOVEMBER!! J) While saying goodbyes to my parents, although I was sad I did not cry cause I am their strength. I am the one supposed to look after them and assure them that I’ll be there for them, always. I know if need be, I shall fly across the seven seas to be with them. I know that my urge to look after them is stronger than anything else for me.

I cried like a baby saying bye to Anant cause he is my strength, he completes me. When I am with him, I have no worries cause I know he’ll take them all away for me. I know nothing can go wrong when he is around. Leaving him and going so far away made me feel so vulnerable, like being left in the cold dark world all by myself. It amuses me how I manage just fine all year long and spending just two days with him spoiled me enough to convince myself that I would not be able to survive on my own anymore. Now I know how much I yearn to be with him.

I am proud that the thought of him right now can bring such a warm feeling in my tummy, happiness in my heart and peace in my mind! I again fell in love with him during my short trip that I squeezed in to meet him! Damn he takes me over! God, I love him soo… My heart had again been stacked up with beautiful memories which would help me survive until we met again. Don’t know when that would be but right now it dint even matter! I know we are meant to be and nothing can change that. Ever.

Gearing up for the extremely hectic weeks ahead and the midterm tomorrow.


caboodle mix :: , , , , , 3 reflections | edit post

Had been looking for this song since the past ten days!!!! Heard it on the radio..and just could not get over it! All I could remember of it was "ta ta taara" :D

I am sitting
In the morning
At the diner
On the corner

I am waiting
At the counter
For the man
To pour the coffee

And he fills it
Only halfway
And before
I even argue

He is looking
Out the window
At somebody
Coming in

"It is always
Nice to see you"
Says the man
Behind the counter

To the woman
Who has come in
She is shaking
Her umbrella

And I look
The other way
As they are kissing
Their hellos

I'm pretending
Not to see them
I pour the milk

I open
Up the paper
There's a story
Of an actor

Who had died
While he was drinking
It was no one
I had heard of

And I'm turning
To the horoscope
And looking
For the funnies

When I'm feeling
Someone watching me
And so
I raise my head

There's a woman
On the outside
Looking inside
Does she see me?

No she does not
Really see me
Cause she sees
Her own reflection

And I'm trying
Not to notice
That she's hitching
Up her skirt

And while she's
Straightening her stockings
Her hair
Has gotten wet

Oh, this rain
It will continue
Through the morning
As I'm listening

To the bells
Of the cathedral
I am thinking
Of your voice...

And of the midnight picnic
Once upon a time
Before the rain began...

I finish up my coffee
It's time to catch the train
5 reflections | edit post
It is nobody's obligation to make you happy nor is it anybody's duty to be there for you.
Strive for yourself.
3 reflections | edit post
unknown> Why do masters?

> To complete all that was unfinished from my Bachelors!

> Oh! You seem to be pretty keen on mastering your subjects!

> Uh!? Oh! Yeah, that too!

> Then, what else?!

> I meant, all my unfinished knowledge about people and types of people, different natures, unbelievable behaviors! How weird weird can actually get and how phenomenal some people are! How to correctly judge a person! How to adjust amongst the strangest of situations! How to remain patient irrespective of anything going on around you. Not to let anyone perturb you. If someone has issues with life, its his/her problem not mine!

> But then, masters in Computer Networks? Maybe Sociology or something?

> Oh! That is the only part which makes me realize how normal life still is!

> Why masters?

> To learn to live for myself.

> Makes sense.

> Does it?

> No!

> Does to me!
caboodle mix :: 4 reflections | edit post

Onamasamsagal! :)
May god bless you with the best of everything.
*Onamasamsagal means Happy Onam in Malayalam
caboodle mix :: , , 7 reflections | edit post
I finally got time to read all the pending posts on my google reader account. I haven't had time to post comments though! :(
I'm doing great! Went to Beverly Hills! n the beach, its beautiful! We plan to go to San Diego during the long weekend in September beginning :)
Work starts beginning of next week. Did I mention I get free food n Booze with it!? :D
Thats it for now.. I'll be more regular with posting n commenting both..(I hope!)
caboodle mix :: , 6 reflections | edit post
This post is pretty boring, cause I don't have the time to tell you guys all that I've been dying to.. For now I'll just keep it to the crust!
I'm doing great!
I like the place, especially my university.Its beautiful! :)
Haven't freaked out yet!
We're three inseparable great friends. God bless them!
Every thing's so BIG here! The squirrel is half the size of a cat! :O Coffee.. Onions! Everything!
Cute. Small. Pretty. Neat house. I love it! Its mine! :)
Food, I'm doing great with cooking for self n roomie.
Busy busy busy already!
Got two jobs, the third one is in the making. Will select soon.
Miss tuff more than I'd anticipated! :(
Complete sweetheart my new room mate. The other one I dont know yet. Seems good though. Different.

Thats all for now, will post back with pics!
As expected she dint even care to check how I was doing being this near to me. I'm never gonna forget this.
caboodle mix :: , , 8 reflections | edit post
I know it for a fact now that even on a happy day I can’t sleep without having spoken to Anant before hitting the bed! Precisely that happened today when today I waited for him to call me before sleeping till about 1:30 in the morning (my usual time of sleeping) and I realized that he’d dozed off cause he couldn’t get through my number.
caboodle mix :: , , , , 7 reflections | edit post
Sandi awarded me this blogland Arte y Pico award and its time for me to pass it on to all the wonderful people I've met online. They've become such an important part of my life that any day I spend without logging into my Google Reader account, seems incomplete! Thanks a lot Sandi, for giving me this award, for the kind words you've written about me and also for always helping me find the positive face of any situation!

Here are the rules.

1. Pick five blogs you consider deserving of this award, whether for creativity, design, interesting material, or contributions to the blogging community, no matter what language.
2. Name each nominee and link to his/her blog.
3. Show the award and include the name (and link to his/her blog) of whoever presented you with this award.
4. Link to the Arte y Pico blog so everyone knows the origin of this award.
5. Post these rules. If you already have this award, you only have to accept this additional recognition.

Sandi, who is a very positive person and a wonderful mother and grand mother! Its a pleasure reading all the stories she posts about her family and also about little funny incidences revolving around her and Ed(her Husband). From what I've read in her blogs, she's someone who's seen a lot in life and had the worst experiences. Yet, she is a very pleasant, understanding and cool female! I wont mention her age here but I can tell you that she can easily pass for one-third of it if you spoke with her and read her blog of course! I hope you get all the happiness in life and hope to meet you when I come to LA.

Sam Shuey, he's a fabulous person! He's a single father to two wonderful girls who live with their mother but spend a LOT of time with him. Its amazing to see how devoted he is towards them.. Sadly, he's not been posting lately but I hope he's doing great..! Hope to meet him when I come to LA.

Dagny, she's a workaholic who has a wonderful voice! If I were a guy, I would've fallen in love with her! We've known each other for a very little time but she's become like a dear little sister to me and I love her a lot! She's a very different female with a sensible head on her shoulder. I hope she joins me next year at USC! :) Best of Luck with whatever you do and hope we remain friends for ever!

Kay, hers is the best photo blog I've ever seen! Its a very unconventional one and what makes it so interesting is the one liners she gives the photographs along with the slight personal touch. Definitely the most innovative blog I've come across!

Abhinav, he's the writer of two very interesting blogs. One is a series on maskdiaries which consists of a series of posts about feelings and pretensions of the human mind and its visual self which is the mask that it carries! The other is his personal blog which has some very interesting posts about his life and incidences revolving around himself and important people in his life. definitely one of the best pieces of writing that I've read so far!

UJ, his old and new blogs are both personal blogs. He's a very dear friend.

Prateek Shah, he's my senior from college and a truly wonderful person! He's been there for me at times when no one else was! I can never forget all the times when we used to forget that he was a senior and pull his legs cause he's one of the most funny and kind hearted people that I've met! I know we've not been in touch ever since college got over but every time we talk, it feels like we were together in the library just yesterday! :)

Sundeep, he's a friend I made through my blogs and I've known him to be a very caring and sensible person! Although he's younger to me, he's been there to guide me at the toughest of times. Take care, always keep in touch and best of luck with everything that you come across! :)

Cm-chap, he's a very funny man who writes in a very unconventional fashion. Conversations that he fabricates between him and himself are absolutely rib cracking! :)

Pass it on guys, to all the people you feel worthy of it! :)
caboodle mix :: , , 6 reflections | edit post
  • My friends move on after I leave? They get closer to each other cause they'll be around each other and when I finally do meet them after a year or something, I'm like a stranger to them?
  • Anant can see no good reason to wait for the year till he joins me or god forbid he doesn't join me at all? Then we'll be away for like five years cause I gotta work there after I graduate?
  • My parents forget the feel of me and get more attached to my brother and his wife (they get married in Nov)?
  • My dog ages too fast in these two years? Doesn't feel attached to me anymore when I get back? I feel like I'm betraying him by leaving him during the most significant years of his life. Dogs tend to age very fast during this age. He's nine years old, his father had died when he was 12! :(
  • My room is all re-arranged when I get back and I'll be put in the guest room for the little time that I do come home during vacations?
  • I am not cut out for the program that I'm going for? What if I think I love the course but actually I totally suck at it? I end up being a complete loser?
  • I get freaked out once I get there?
  • I finally do live the life I've been craving for only to know I don't like it so much? And, now there's nothing I can do about it cause, there's no looking back!
  • Like everyone keeping telling me, I do like it better there and I'm too blind to see what all I'd left behind for it?
  • My room mates hate me?
  • I don't make good friends there and I end up being very lonely?
Oh! Sometimes I wish I'd just chuck the whole MS business and stay home look after my parents and work here...! b/w I just got my VISA! yey! :) I've been getting the weirdest of nightmares, where all the worst fears of my innermost soul are displayed ruthlessly!! :( :(

What if? What if? What if? ! !
caboodle mix :: , , 9 reflections | edit post
I learnt not to put out someone's number on a for-sale site (even if it is a university site!) without asking. Whether I might have taken permission to put it out on my Job CV a week back. Else, I might blow up a decent relationship with my to-be-room mates!

I also learnt not to put good news on my blog until it gets finalized till the last stitch!
Well, Anant's not coming to US with me this year. He got his admit deferred for next fall. Which is a good decision but all the same quite hard to accept. I shouldn't be cribbing about this here cause I know it must be harder for him. But I was simply devastated. For several reasons. Primarily cause I felt he'd worked really hard for this for over two years and he deserved to go more than anyone else I knew. I was angry at the decision he had to take pertaining to the circumstances.

It was weird how it took him to council me about him not going! I felt quite ashamed of myself but as I think about it, I felt that way cause I consider his case as my own.

Now, I get fits of nervousness thinking about being all alone in a strange country without him for a whole year! I guess god needs to make sure before letting us be together!

I've started buying stuff for my new home (although I'm not sure whether I'll be shifting in with the same two people!). A bit scared about the whole thing. I hope I do well. Cause I can not do with simply doing OK. I have to do well. So, hope I'm good enough for it!
caboodle mix :: , , , 7 reflections | edit post
My body has developed its own immunity against soporific drugs. I have not been sleeping well lately and last night I just could not bear it so I took pills at about quarter to nine in the night. I was elated when I felt drowsy by about half past nine. So, I happily packed off to bed! Now the immunity I've developed cant stop me from feeling drowsy but it sends a weird sensation across my arms and limbs which makes it practically impossible for me to fall asleep. Its like an allergic reaction or something.

I fell into this weird state where I knew I was awake but kept getting nightmares, which incidentally felt very real! I just kept twirling in bed till about one when I finally sat up and massaged my legs cause they were aching in a funny way! I spent the next three and a half hours trying to get back to sleep cause now the effect of the drug had worn out so, I stopped getting that icky feeling in my arms and limbs. I just kept twirling in bed, clutching my pillow, covering myself with my sheet and then uncovering myself , turned over, lay on my back, on my left side, then right side, on my stomach, covered my face with my pillow, held onto my teddy bear. BUT NO SLEEP. At about four thirty, I heard my father walking around in the house, he goes for playing golf in the morning. He came and sat next to me as I pretended to sleep and then he kissed my forehead. I had to garner all the strength in my soul to stop myself from crying and to continue pretending to sleep.

Now I sit here writing as I can hear birds chirping and the dawn breaking outside my window.

I hate not being able to sleep. :(
caboodle mix :: , , , , , 11 reflections | edit post

I couldn't have felt more ashamed as I did when she looked at me with loathing in her eyes. I had sinned, for her I had. How could I be born to that womb and yet be so different, so shameless? I tried to reason, and I dropped further in my own eyes. Nothing could have made it better for her, nothing and I knew she's never forget this day of her life. I felt sick in my mind as I dreaded her telling baba. Maybe she wouldn't, but why wont she? And maybe, I wanted her to tell him, for how was I to look into those eyes again? I had never felt deeper remorse in my life.

I became numb and hated the pain easing, I wanted it to hurt. I had hurt her, disappointed her after all that she'd done for me, to understand me beyond her will I had let her down. I realised I'd gained my feelings about trust from her, about being unable to reform them once they'd broken. I had broken the crystal vase of her trust and I knew nothing I said could amend it.

As I lay there distraught, tears trickling down my cheeks he stood a good distance away from me. I would run into his arms for nothing else mattered, but he just stood there reprimanding me on my foolishness. I am arrogant I am for I backfired stinging him. I knew I was being unreasonable but isn't he the only one who could understand? I stabbed him again with my sharp tongue and he rebuked. I felt good for at least someone was punishing me although unknowingly.

I realised how badly I needed him but would not say. Why would I have to beg each time? Why cant I for once be given the honor of being understood although unspoken I stood glaring at him, blaming him for being him. For being the only one who could sooth but who wouldn't do so without me having to say! Ah! maybe if I cried louder or hurt myself he'd listen to the unspoken woes? Then creeps in the ghosts of my howling self as I listen to it like a stranger crying in a far away land. I wait for him to come forth, take me in his arms and cradle me hushing me whispering into my ear that everything will be fine.

I just saw him standing staring into my eyes, as I feared he might see through the pretense. How should I be blamed if it were one most desired longing I craved? How should I be blamed for dripping out my soul leaving it naked all bare! For every being deserves a balm for the heart? Why should I have to trip so low to be but just loved by him? Maybe its the sins I committed that I'm paying back for. Maybe I'm cursed to be loved and not know or maybe I should make peace with the woes.
15 reflections | edit post
Updates: Anant got through University of California at Irvine and he plans to go there(most probably) :D Man, this feels like heaven! Looks like someone out there either wants us to fight our heads off or he really wants us to finally be close to each other after 5years of being in a long distance relationship!! His place is 47miles from mine! :D Cant stop smiling!

Can't stop day dreaming either!!

Have finalized on an apartment with two other girls. I dint plan this but they are both keralites!! (they belong to a state in India, Kerela. I belong to the same place, although not completely. My mum's a Rajasthani!). Its so strange how these co-incidences happen with me! My best friend in Junior High was a mallu(slang for keralites),Freya! My best friend in high school was a mallu, Aparna! My best friend in college is a Mallu, Sunaina! and now these two, Asilia and Anee!!

One thing in common amongst all these people are that they're very unlike typical orthodox Mallu's and are the very opposite of what you'd normally expect them to be! Which is what I'm like..So, gels well! :)
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Got through University of Southern California! :D My college would be in Los Angeles! Most probably its final that I'm going! They mailed me on the 25th but stupid me had lost hope so stopped checking my mail....! as a result of which I got to know a week later!!! Anyways, alls good! :)

Have exams from day after..Haven't had time to read any blogs! Have loads to catch up after 15th (thats when my exams get over).

Anant was in town last week, so no pre-exam preparation done!!

Lemme know if you know ppl in LA
caboodle mix :: , , , 10 reflections | edit post
God loves playing games with my life! I keep trying to tell him, I've known enough of creeps for a life time. He always seems to differ. Each time I find him over enthusiastic about letting a particularly nasty one on me!
Sigh! Maybe I
really DO have a lot to learn.

Tune> I want to break free - Queen

caboodle mix :: , , , 8 reflections | edit post
Since April last year my hair have grown from a silly bob that lingered around my ear lobes to a silky long stream of brownish black curls brushing the upper edge of my waste line! This is the fastest they've ever grown and I love all the compliments I get when I let them lose! Every time they brush against my arm, they give me a high! :)

My days have turned into a restless turmoil as I keep fearing the worst regarding my university applications. I have re-re-read all the documents I'd sent in hope of finding explanations for this delay in admits. All in vain, for everything seems to be right in place. The voice of the pessimist in me growing louder and stronger with each passing day, each taxing hour. So far, I have received one rejection and six more results are awaited. As I desperately refresh my mailbox every night every few minutes in hope of some progress, A has already started checking the ranking of his university on the "University's Hottest Babes" list on Edulix! Feels like sand grains slipping through my fingers. What gets to me is that I'm not clinging onto them, I'm just very curious about what comes off our relationship. Whats more amusing is how my parents seem to understand (more than anybody else) my anxiety regarding my applications and my fear of living away from him. Although, any hope that anybody tries to restore in me is useless, it just bounces off me without touching even the most exterior shells of my soul. Guess, I must really want to live this myself and face it full on, alone.

A few months back I got an ugly scar on the back of my hand while I was baking Chicken Tikkas(slurp!). I learnt not to insert my hand into the oven(a conventional grilled one) without wearing oven gloves. The mark is still quite prominent and looked ugly to me until a friend assured that it looked pretty cause the image of it was linked to me in his mind! On another crazy evening an old friend proposed to marry me and promised to fly down to Delhi in the very next flight to steal me away from all my worries, if I said YES. I admit a selfish part in me felt good about the whole deal of being loved by someone so much although I could not accept.

Its weird how little baubles like a book, a tune, a fragrance can unbolt a plethora of thoughts in one's mind that he dint even know existed in him. Maybe our minds have secret compartments, the key to which is held within us to find! I took a local on my way back home last Saturday when a tune from someone's cell phone caught my attention and did just that to me! It took me 8 years back to a teenage love and a wonderful evening we'd spent in a secluded place full of rocks and trees on the outer skirts of the city. I could recollect what both of us were wearing and even snippets from our conversation that evening! The silly plastic card he'd given me and the rose with withered petals he'd somehow managed to save until sunset :) First thing I did on reaching home was to retrieve the song and listen to it fifteen times until the evening was alive in me once again. Although it was a lifetime ago and we're far from feeling that way for each other anymore, the memories brought a warmth in my heart that had gone missing for a while now.

*I could not write one big post so compiled the little ones nagging in my head in these paragraphs.
caboodle mix :: 15 reflections | edit post
I've been getting a strong urge to go out there and live alone, for quite sometime now. Face the big bad world myself, away from my family and friends; away from their love and protection. At least not until I'm completely self reliant, not until I've seen it all out there, not until my heart gives the signal.

Its strange how I keep planning for this crazy dream of mine. How when I'm happy, I start wondering how I'd react if I were alone. How, when I'm sad, I wonder how I'll handle myself. I crave to wake up alone, cook for myself and do all my chores just for myself. Get back home to again plan the next day, that should of course revolve around me. The more I think about it, I just know I have to do this at least once. Live alone for a few years or I'd regret not having done it when I'm elder. I admit I'm a bit sad right now, but it has nothing to do with what I'm writing. If anything, I'm just very expressive which is good, since I've been trying to write for quite a few days but haven't completed a single entry. Those who've been following(my blog) may know how I cant write unless I feel very strongly about something.

I tried explaining this to my mother by citing the example of a bird. Even she HAS to leave her nest and go out into the real world. It scared her a little. She dint react until she made sure I was serious about what I said. I'm not so sure she still understands but this is precisely what I want a break from. I want to live for me. I did not tell her that it is this dream of mine that keeps me going at the moment. I know it is not going to be a bed of roses, it is in fact going to be the very opposite. But, I also know that after I've done this, my perspective of looking at any situation will be very different. I would finally start worrying about things that really matter rather than wasting my mind/energy/peace over tiny issues.

I would be able to say "I lived life".
caboodle mix :: , , 15 reflections | edit post
"Mad World"

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world ... mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world

Gary Jules

caboodle mix :: , 3 reflections | edit post

What do you do when you have the world under your feet when you are happy and not one person (when I say not ONE, I don’t mean it figuratively) person to share your sadness? Not a single friend, not your boy friend, not your parents, your brother. No One. They lie in three categories.

  1. Who can’t see me sad, so they’d rather hang up on me crying or leave me until I am well, more handle-able instead of even trying to deal with me.
  2. Who I feel conscious in going up to since I feel too guilty knocking at their door each time I’m upset. It must be a chore for them, I don’t want them getting fed up and shifting to category one.
  3. Who I can’t go up to when I’m sad. What do you tell your parents or brother when you’re upset cause of other things in your life. They’d either lecture me about my wrong choices and priorities etc.. Or warn me how things could get worse if I continued with my life this way.

I feel I’m one of a kind when I am bad. I just have not learnt to handle it. I cry a lot, hug myself and cry more until I can fall asleep. I just don’t know how to divert my mind from it and act like nothing is wrong. Sadly, not one person understands my misery and I am left with one to go! Since crying is the easiest vent for my feelings (I basically cry a lot) it has become common place for the ones who "love" me. I wish I could be the same way when i see a sad face or hear a sad voice. Shades of inhuman-ness suddenly feels like a blessing rather than a curse. At least being happy at someone else's cost shall not feel so bad anymore!

The happiest faces you see in a crowd are the saddest ones at heart. I feel like I am one of those.

caboodle mix :: , , , , 18 reflections | edit post
I am now officially a worthless-internet-whiler. I compulsively log into the net everyday at around 8pm start off with checking my mail, orkut, blog, other mail, Anant's mail(he's out of town) and then, well, I re-check my mail! God-forbid I might have missed a mail that got transferred to the spam! I then try and do something worthwhile by reading interesting articles on the net. I have realized that I am very-bad at finding interesting stuff to read and unless someone directs me towards something eye-catching, I am well, still whiling away time!
I could easily blame it on many things!
1) I am anxiously waiting for universities to reply to my applications. They have been with them for over a month for Christ's sake.
2) I have too much free time on my hands! too much I say. Apart from having a four-day-week(three out of which are three-hour-days!), I have not yet started my project which should occupy most of my time once I do.
Each free-day, I decide to pay a visit to the nearby orphanage so I can talk to the authorities about giving free tuitions to the children, I end up not going. I just don't understand it, its definitely not cause I'm lazy.NO. I got up early, got dressed and even readied my CV just in case they might want to see. I am just apprehensive cause once I go there, I'd be responsible for the education of children who do not deserve to be taken for granted any more. I am afraid I might disappoint them once my project starts. Yet, I cant seem to rest. I really want to meet them, spend time with them and teach them. Well, having said that, I have decided that I shall go there at 10am come-what-may.
So where was I? Yes, I've been wasting away too much time doing nothing on the internet. Like I already said, I am bad at finding quality stuff to read (I have actually googled "current affairs" , "whats new" & "consumer electronics"!), I asked a friend for interesting links. She directed me to a very unconventional photo-blog. I have never been more gripped by someones posts as this and read three years of her hard work glued to the PC in two straight hours! Only once before have I done this with a blog which (I shall resort to Sandi's jargon) belonged to SHE-WHO-SHALL-NOT-BE-NAMED (at least not on my blog!). I found Kay's work phenomenal! I'm pasting the comment I left on her blog after reading over 250 posts and being totally over whelmed by them!
I was whiling away my time viewing worthless sites when at the brim of boredom, a friend gave me the link to your blog.I have spent the past two hours reading each and every post in your blog and was tempted to comment at many junctures but the anxiety of reading the next post over-powered the temptation.I have never seen a better photo blog and loved your concept of three photographs, also I love the analogies you give them. They were hilarious at times and on others were very thought provoking. I have never met a more passionate Pakistani or such a positive person as you. Not one post culminated negatively. I loved the way you've talked about your lovely family!
May this blog go on for ever!
PS:may I put you on my blog roll?
caboodle mix :: , , , 10 reflections | edit post

I'd never travelled alone in the train before, so I did not know the details we should confirm before boarding it. I screwed up at every possible juncture. I didn't check the train time right and reached four hours early! My e-ticket did not have my driving-licence number on it! Well, after boarding the train thankfully nothing went wrong. I just had to wait for Anant to join me 10hours later.

So, Happy New Year !Finally and about time too. Time felt like it was in no hurry to pass by. It just lingered. Was it that? Or was it the fact that I and Anant were surrounded by a whole
lot of Kerelites who spoke away frantically in Malayalam. Even I could barely understand only bits of their conversations! At one point someone said "Janakpuri" and he was really thrilled for he knew of that place! But, that's that. He had no choice but to look at me, talk to me.
Delhi to Kerela is a two day journey by train. We ate all the local food from the stations, played cards, listened to music and well basically spent each moment together. We even slept together on the 6feet by 2.5feet beds of the train! Cramped, uncomfortable at times, but pure bliss! I am a stickler when it comes to linen. I meticulously match all four corners of the two layers of sheet and the blanket that we used for covering ourselves. I also take a lot of time to get settled while going to sleep, change sides, tuck into the blankets better, pull up a bit, no push down, twist and then finally settle down. It was wonderful to see Anant patiently tucked in while he waited for me to get settled, he even took the whole aligning-sheets-business in good humor. He loved me through all of it!
Whats with romance and moonlight, or romance and the night? We would talk deep into the night sharing the ipod, dedicating songs to each other, looking at the moon cuddled in in each others arms! It was all so unreal! Felt like a dream :) We would end it by graciously thanking god for everything.
Mornings used to be the tough part, the humor of seeing Anant ambivalent about whether he should sleep or spend time with me! cause I usually wake up by 7am while he cant seem to budge before 11! I even enjoyed watching him sleep! He has a funny habit of twitching his feet while sleeping! :) Breakfast would be early lunch for me while Anant would usually hog during lunch-time as well! I love watching him eat, he gets 'very' hungry very rarely and when he does, he really enjoys his meals.

I wanted him to taste every possible South Indian dish during our trip and he was all game for it. He loved it all idli, dosa, vada, eyttakya-uppam, nadan(authentic)chicken curry, chicken fry, parotta, uppam, sadya(the feast lunch on banana leaves), iddi-uppam everything!

We reached Ernakulam and went to Aparna's place. Did I mention that the purpose of our visit was her sister's wedding? Well, we freshened up and again left to explore this new city neither of us had been to before, where people spoke an alien language that I could understand only bits of and well, Anant shouldn't even try to understand!! My idea of exploring a new city is to cover it by foot or by the local transport. So, we set off by foot and reached a monastery-cum-school-cum-college-cum-hospital! What pulled me towards it was the sea-lining along the back of it. It looked beautiful! I realised how much I missed coming down-south every summer to meet my grandparents. (They have shifted to Delhi with us) I showed Anant a host of touch-me-nots along the shore. He was elated to make them fold inwards and droop by just touching them. Oh! well, at least some essence of nature to our trip!

I missed my grandfather a lot all through it. He used to take us for walks in the morning across farms and forests and shallow rivers. I know the real Kerela and all little details about rubber farms, mangroves, cocoa&coffee farming, pine apples, rice etc..because of him. I wished Anant to experience as much of it as possible. Ernakulam is a city so I could only tell him about all that I'd seen in my childhood but its altogether different when you experience it yourself. The touch-me-not incident was little reassurance!

Now, Aparna's home was at a place called 'Thevara'. Anant memorised 'the' while I memorised 'vara' part of the name. Trust me, its pronunciation is very different from its spelling. After another few minutes of aimless wandering and Anant having lost his patience in the heat we stopped at a book store to buy tourist maps of the city. Why in gods name are maps so big? We struggled with it for a while, went through the guide at least twice, came down to no conclusions and ended up calling my sister (who lives in the same city) for advice on where to go! We went down town to meet her at 'Pallari Vattam' (I mention the name of the place for it took ages for both of us to memorize it.) in the local bus, although Anant was not too happy about it(travelling in bus), I loved the whole experience! We hogged like crazy, (uppam, parotta, chicken masala, chicken fry, coconut chicken, coffee, chocolate shake!) most of it was really good. The little time we spent with Uttu was nice too. I miss her a lot.

We rushed back to Aparna's place as we had to go out for dinner with the bride's family. Nothing too eventful, we ate good food, took lots of photographs. On our way back Aparna scared Anant by telling him that he would have to wear the traditional Mundu at the wedding! (its a long cloth that men wrap around there mid riff instead of pants!) Since he was the only guy there, he was the first one to be woken up at 5:30 in the morning to get dressed(hah! :) ) that too by Aparna's dad (who is quite infamous for his waking-up-children tactics). He dint mind so much when he got to know that Aparna was just kidding about the Mundu part!

South Indian weddings are held after rahu-kalam, 9am (inauspicious time before which one must leave home for the occasion). We were the first ones to reach the venue because the bride's parents host the wedding. We loitered around and chatted while the guests gathered. The wedding ceremony was merely seven minutes (the time before and after it was much more). I spent most of my time taking photographs while Anant sat in his seat, refusing to budge taking mundane photographs from three fixed angles(how many more can you get when you're sitting in one position?)

The ceremony was followed by a rich traditional feast on banana leaves. I was happy
Anant could try such authentic food and enjoyed it thoroughly myself. We took leave from Aparna and her parents and set off to find a decent hotel where we could leave our luggage. Luckily we found a decent place only a few miles from where we were. We changed and set off for the Marine Drive. One must wonder why it was called the Marine Drive cause there was no place to drive past. It was basically sea shore flanked by malls with a path along the shore that one could walk. There were loads of boat-cum-restaurants, since both of us were full till the extent that I could have easily puked. We decided on a pleasant cafe to sit and enjoy the view while sipping at lemonade. After an hour or so, we went to the Kochi Boat Club to take a ferry till Fort Kochi. We bought tickets for a surprising Rs.2.50 each! The price seemed unbelievable. I had gone to Mumbai in October where a similar ferry ride cost 150bucks! This was way cheaper cause it was a daily means of transport for the localites who climbed in scores along with their bicycles, goods (for selling) etc. The ride till Fort-Kochi was Elysian, I love water! Anant was too worried all the time that I might somehow fall into the water (Although the railing of the ferry was well 4feet high and we were seated on rows of seats!) When I jumped off the boat before it had rested safely against land, I think Anant died a little! He seemed peaceful to be back on land!

I don't remember having seen a prettier place in my life! The architecture so unique! The weather pleasant! We decided to rent bicycles but only lady-cycles were available and I was dead against Anant riding them, although he seemed quite OK with it! We reached a lovely lodge which had an open restaurant facing sea shore. Here we rented a bike and went to Vasco da Gama Church. Fort Kochi is the place where Vasco da Gama had landed at in India during his famous trip via Africa. He died here in fort Kochi.

We rode around a bit and then gave up the bike. The resorts, the villas, lodges were spectacular, I had never seen such good architecture before, that too all at the same place. We went to the beach where a temporary stage was set up and men performed the traditional kathakali dance. The beach is famous for the Chinese fishing nets (as in the photograph above) that are symbolic for the area.We lazed around at the beach till we could (we had to take the last ferry back to Ernakulam).

The ride back was fun too! Anant said he was afraid of dark waters! Added to it, he was of course afraid I might fall into the sea somehow! Sheesh..! We packed a variety of good south Indian chicken and returned to our hotel. My stomach churns right now, yearning for that very food! :( Next morning I was wide awake by 7am! In fact to Anant's annoyance I woke up with a start, worried that I might have overslept! I tried in vain to wake the darn thing up but he seemed pretty determined to get his 14 hours of sleep! Christ! We missed breakfast at the hotel so, we couldn't try iddi-uppams that I'd planned for breakfast but caught good sadya for lunch before we left for the station. The ride back was pretty much the same apart from the chilling fear I had in my mind of saying bye to him. Surprisingly we both were fast asleep until fifteen minutes before his stop! That too, we were woken up by Aman's call who'd come to pick up Anant at the station. I packed all his stuff hurriedly, brushed my teeth and before I could realise Bhopal(his stop) was there! Saying bye was not so tough after all, I had too many good memories to go through during the next twelve hours till I reached Delhi. I still smile thinking about little incidents from out trip! One night I woke up searching for his feet next to me(we used to face opposite sides while sleeping in the train cause the seats were too narrow!).

And so was our first vacation together. :)
caboodle mix :: , , , , , 6 reflections | edit post
  • I'm done trying to become friends with pseudo-family members who don't care about me and send back forced emails or no replies at all! Who ignore my calls or create trouble with their mean tactics. Cause, guess what? I don't give a fuck either! :) (this felt so good!)
  • I'm done spoiling my mood over stupid boy friend affairs. Over potential lies and scandals. Over bitches from some bloody half-town-half- city who cant even talk decently. Fuck you all!
  • I'm done worrying about being the only girl in class and not being able to hang out with the guys cause someone thinks I shouldn't.
  • I'm done taking instructions from my parents about things I feel differently about.
  • I'm done trying to be the sweet sister-in-law and taking bull crap from my brother about how I should talk to her.
  • I'm done taking shit from friends who have me when they need me and don't give a rat's-ass the rest of the times.
  • I'm done crying my eyes out each time I'm upset regarding someone who happens to be partying not giving a shit about what happened!
  • I'm done not smoking cause someone thinks I shouldn't.
  • I'm done worrying about people around me all the time. Once I'm off, I do not intend to look back onto any of them. I want to live for ME.
caboodle mix :: 8 reflections | edit post
Ever tried hugging yourself while you wept?
It works, almost.
caboodle mix :: 9 reflections | edit post