Had a long long day! Mum is out of town and suddenly everyone seems to be aware that there is another twenty one year old lady in the house who should be able to manage things. I now know that its not easy for my mother to handle a home and her work as efficiently as she does! I did a sloppy job of being pseudo mommy for the first of four (I sense its going to seem longer) days!

The curd was too sour
The dog was not given food on time
There are no fruits for tomorrow
The kitchen is all dirty
House is messy
Water bottles(for keeping in the fridge) not filled
No dry towels in the bathroom

I am dead tired and ready to drop. Somehow finished writing blood sucking project report and I'm going to be out. Lets see how I fair tomorrow.

Arghhh... I feel pukish. Hope I'm not gonna be ill!

caboodle mix :: , , 10 reflections | edit post
I discovered that:

.... I do not trust anybody with my feelings. It is nobody's obligation to make you happy.

.... A mammoth setback can get me right back onto track. Its not the best way to teach me a lesson, but apparently works very well.

.... A long drive and total solitude do wonders for when I'm low.

This could not be happening to her, Oh! God! but, it was true. Why her? She would never understand. She needed to go some place where she could get it all out.
Tears rolled down her cheeks even before she bolted the door behimd her, splashing onto her t'shirt across her long eyelashes. She started typing an incoherent text on her mobile not knowing whom it was for, pouring out her story like a child. Typing between choking sobs. When it was done, she was calmer. Who would she send this to? What would she say? She deleted the message with a fresh burst of tears. As if the delete button refreshed the pain along with wiping away what she had written.
caboodle mix :: , , 6 reflections | edit post
Finally my new room is ready and I love it!

Thats my father's tummy sticking out in the second pic! :)
caboodle mix :: 10 reflections | edit post
I am a very weak person when it comes to handling emotions. I do not joke when I say that my body aches when I am hurt. I can relate to the term "heart ache". I resort to making my self unconscious when I am that way. May it be by sleeping off by having pills or getting myself drunk to the limit that I can feel no more.

I do not deny that I am hurting while I write this. I have tried streching all limits within me. I have locked myself up, emotionally.

I hurt myself so I do not feel the pain that these emotions bring to me. I can still feel the blood sticking to my sleeves when I slit my wrists again and again that night, till I could feel no more. Its been seven months. I hate to admit, it made me feel better. I hate to admit that the pain soothed me. I hate to admit I do not share my feelings anymore because it hurts more not to share and somehow the hurt soothes me.

I am a very passionate person. I hate like venom. I love like a child. I care like a mother. I cry like a baby.

I have a job. I am confident enough that I can make it to a decent university. I have the most wonderful family in the world and yet, I am very sad. I do not remember the last time I was happy.

With each passing day I turn closer to becoming a stone. I am getting there. I am proud of myself for not being dependent on the people that I used to bank on for my life.

I am scared.
caboodle mix :: , , 15 reflections | edit post