I want you.. Not in my dreams but next to me.
caboodle mix :: 7 reflections | edit post
I realized I blog when I am sad/depressed etc.. Here's a happy post.
I finally got an intern at Lucasfilms, Frisco!!! :) I'd been trying since the past four months and finally god blessed me with this. I'll be interning from May mid till August end!! and I get to meet Sandi..! :) Should be good fun.. esp since this break is so so welcome!
I'm quite excited about it and am really really looking forward to it..Started working on campus after 3 months of living in complete kadki (misery). I work at the department of psychiatry which is at the other campus so it takes me about a half hour to get there but its a beautiful drive.
 I've found solace in solidarity, found a secret hide out in my campus where nobody else hangs out and you can just sit/lay there for hours together looking into the sky, smoking a cigarette. Its beautiful. I've started walking again. Had forgotten how effective it used to be for releasing stress. Usually go fountain hopping within my campus.
I just met a professor who's bought a lab cum St. Bernard puppy! I forced him into taking my number and calling me for walking the dog and baby sitting it. He's too cute! They call him Donaldo! :)
I miss writing and reading all your posts. I wish I could find more time for that.
caboodle mix :: , , , 11 reflections | edit post
her> I don't mean to dampen your spirit but I was the same when I got here. Now all I want to do is go back home. Get over with this. Everything feels fake now, the people, the places. I am fed up. I bet you'd feel the same way 6 months down the lane.

me> (right then) No! I wont! I love it here, my apartment, my room mates, my courses, my friends! Its all good!

me> (three months later) I still like it here. Being all independent, my courses, my apartment, my friends!

me> (another two months later and after moving out of my apartment cause of pretentious old room mate who turned out to be nothing but a cold selfish inconsiderate i-want-to-say-bitch-but-i-wont!) I still like it here. Being all independent, my courses, my friends! Fighting for myself!

me> (a couple of minutes back) I want to run back home. Safe with my parents my family. I miss them all! I miss my friends, my room, my dog, my car, my country! I hate being all alone fending for myself.. Jobless, going through each day worried about my funds running out and not being able to find another job! No luck with internships although I have been trying since the past three months day in and day out!

me> (right now) I like it here and I know I will be so proud of myself after I've crossed this phase which I believe to be the toughest one of my life so far! I have learnt so much and matured more in the past two months than I did in the past two years! My belief that god has his ways is stronger than ever before!!
caboodle mix :: , , 6 reflections | edit post
I do not want to be the one he can live with, but the one he can't live without.
5 reflections | edit post
Its weird how you want him most when he just can not stand you.
You just make it worse by seeking him even more.
caboodle mix :: 4 reflections | edit post
Try as I may, there are some things that I just can not change. These things over shadow all the rest of my efforts and I am back to square one at the end of the long day.

I used to be very emotional. In the sense that I always needed someone for sharing my joy, happiness, anger, troubles, problems anything.. I was not emotionally strong enough. I feel I have come a long way. I feel proud to say that there is not one person anymore whom I'm dependent on. Without whom I would feel handicapped. No sir, and that is an achievement for me. It was about time I learnt this.

I was weak and in capable of looking after myself. I am now more independent than most people my age, living by myself all alone in this alien country fending for myself doing everything for myself. I needed to learn this as it was about time I left the nest of my parents and learnt to handle the big-bad-world head on.

I used to let anybody wreck my life into pieces, being so sensitive. I was told that "making me happy is nobody's obligation". I feel proud to say that no one, absolutely no one can take the smile off my face anymore. My heart is now like a brick wall that is quite difficult to penetrate.

Having said all this, there are many things that I can still not control. Try as I may, I just can not.. These weaknesses haunt me like a ghost. Bringing back skeletons from the past slapping me whack on my face and making me feel like a loser.

Is it alright for me, not to apply the above rules for ONE person in my life? Or am I being foolish in doing so? Is this where the key to my ultimate isolation n happiness lies?

I wonder...

I'm hurting...
caboodle mix :: , , 4 reflections | edit post