Teach me god to control situations while they are under my control. Not to keep them pending till I have created a haywire for myself to get out of.
This is in regard with my studies/exams, my relationships (no lolly not neccessarily my boy friend) and my phone bill.
Yes,the third case is what has invoked me into writing this post.
Last month, I let my bill go out of hand and pledged to control. Yet, the need to use it empowers all my will, bloody shamelessly once again I stand just where i was at beginning of last month
* exhasperated! rolling of eyes! they're tending to burst out! *
I have again put myself into a situation where I can say "SCREWED" ,another month of bloody misery! Ikeep postponing my studies till the very end. No,the very very end. Manage to fare well but would do many folds better if only I wouldn't be a complete sloth.
Okay,now I pledge to study regularly,use my resources more wisely and not let my relationships take a backseat till my mind declares an emergency!
For all those who think I suddenly stopped writing...nop...thats not happened...just that at two instances I wrote entries and just when I posted them
1. blog-city.com decided to go under repair work just at that very instant!! (m not one of those who can trust their luck!no sir..it never seems to favour me at the right moment!!).
2. I'd learnt my lesson and wrote the entry first on notepad and then was gonna post it. Just at that very instant the internet connection got disconnected and I could not post the entry. Since I was at home then, I decided to copy it on a floppy and post it when I come to the hostel (it was 4am,i had to leave for hostel at 7!).
and now guess whats happenin? the floppy wont work. disk not formatted it seems!! * w t f? *
so the two really important lessons I learnt is :
a) Not to trust service providers how ever impressive their user satisfaction guarantee document sounds!!(not to trust something thats not in your control)
b) DO NOT TRUST FLOPPIES
Anyways I decided to write a brief on the two posts that vanished.
The first one was about how I fought with my parents (yeah both of them, I suck I know) and they got really upset. pa started cryin and me too. It ended up with them saying sorry to me. Which brought me to new lows that I dint even know existed in me.
The second entry was about how an ugly feeling resided in my subconscious mind and the conscious me did not realise it until it was too late. The sub conscious shamelessly sniggered at the conscious.
Loved ones tryin to snatch away your identity is the worst that can happen to you. For them to want you to be some one you
1. do not want to be.
2.would despise yourself if you became that.
(writing in points seems to arrange my thoughts well on this post.please bere with it.)
So, finally coming to what I wanted to write about. I loved reading. (refer to things that I love). Could not sleep without reading for atleast an hour before I doze off. While commuting (we used to go to kerela every summer, which is a three day journey by train.) I used to carry a huge stack of books. Just incase I finished the ones that were safely enough to be carrying!
I'd started Angles and Demons(dan brown) and havn't crossed the first chapter so far. Then Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand) and nop, not even the first chapter. Every time I get back to it again, I had to read it again and leave it at presisely the very spot I'd left it on the former occassion!
Lately,I've simply lost the zest for reading, which is quite ennerving considering how much I used to love it. Yet, I just can't seem to get myself to do it. So I decided to read something really different, something that could help bring my passion for reading back. I resorted to reading works by indian authors. It did help. Though the one hour reading schedule is not back, it is a start.
I've started reading "THE TIGER BY THE RIVER" by Ravi Shankar Etteth. It was somehow more relaxin to read about places that I know without having to tax my mind about how it'd really be like. Incidences that I'd relate to. A language(written in itallics when used) that feels like home!
Hope I get my one hour schedule back ( I do miss it!). For all those who care even a bit,please coax me into keep goin,help me keep it on track..
