What do you do when you have the world under your feet when you are happy and not one person (when I say not ONE, I don’t mean it figuratively) person to share your sadness? Not a single friend, not your boy friend, not your parents, your brother. No One. They lie in three categories.

  1. Who can’t see me sad, so they’d rather hang up on me crying or leave me until I am well, more handle-able instead of even trying to deal with me.
  2. Who I feel conscious in going up to since I feel too guilty knocking at their door each time I’m upset. It must be a chore for them, I don’t want them getting fed up and shifting to category one.
  3. Who I can’t go up to when I’m sad. What do you tell your parents or brother when you’re upset cause of other things in your life. They’d either lecture me about my wrong choices and priorities etc.. Or warn me how things could get worse if I continued with my life this way.

I feel I’m one of a kind when I am bad. I just have not learnt to handle it. I cry a lot, hug myself and cry more until I can fall asleep. I just don’t know how to divert my mind from it and act like nothing is wrong. Sadly, not one person understands my misery and I am left with one to go! Since crying is the easiest vent for my feelings (I basically cry a lot) it has become common place for the ones who "love" me. I wish I could be the same way when i see a sad face or hear a sad voice. Shades of inhuman-ness suddenly feels like a blessing rather than a curse. At least being happy at someone else's cost shall not feel so bad anymore!

The happiest faces you see in a crowd are the saddest ones at heart. I feel like I am one of those.

caboodle mix :: , , , , edit post
18 Responses

  1. ira Says:

    Nice talking to you! :)

  2. Sandi Says:

    I know the feeling. When I was much younger I always felt people came to me when they were sad, but didn't want to bother with me when I was sad. I did learn that the best listerners were non-family members. And you can always come to those of us out here in the ether! We care.

  3. ira Says:

    you make me cry! :)

  4. Sam Says:

    You know you have friends! Sometimes you just have to reach out... :)

  5. shrey Says:

    Like the people above, i wont say that u can come to me when u are sad.. i think that part is history now... i think we can both agree on that... but i would like to share something that i have realised in the last few months... i feel that u are sad when u think u r sad... and the same goes for happiness... its just the way you feel.. or rather the way u wanna make urself feel... honestly.. i dont remember myself feeling "really" sad for quite sometime now... dunno if it works for others.. it does work for me...

    I read ur post--> I'm done!
    Thats very similar to the attitude that i have adopted... but even after that if u feel sad.. then maybe u dont actually mean what u wrote there...

  6. ira Says:

    I think its human to feel sad or happy. My only 'dukh' is that I dont know how to handle it when I'm sad or low.

  7. Dagny Says:

    i won't say that i understand, because fake empathy is the worst thing i can do.

    Just that i cried too when i read the post.

  8. ira Says:

    Dagny> I love you!
    Do I need to tell that I'l always be there, and you can call me whenever you want?

  9. Dagny Says:


    I love you too!
    n no u don't need to tell me that :)

  10. sundeep Says:

    Things like that only happen in movies...............

  11. ira Says:

    I'm afraid they do..

  12. mrinalini Says:

    hey, beautifully done. but sometimes you get so tired of crying that even if yuo try you cant bring yourself to cry.

    hope you feel much better, else happy crying!

  13. ira Says:

    dear namesake, crying can never be happy! unless you're talking about what comes after it!!

  14. mrinalini Says:

    Crying can be happy.Perspectives differ. Crying may not solve your problem so, the things after may not be all that rosy too, but crying is my freedom from pain. freedom is happiness.

  15. ira Says:

    guess we're saying the same thing in different ways..!

  16. neo Says:

    Wel after goin thru ur categories, I suppose I belong to the 2nd category! ….U got2 make a fourth 1 fr me !
    grl its ur problm if u dn tell ny1…
    I think u have gud enf frnds wit whom u can share woes with. Although yes at times u like to sulk alone smwhere, u strive to be a warrior - partly bcs u are fed up with ur own slf and partly bcs u want 'earn' t glory al by urslf so that t u cn luk bc in2 ur past with glory and slf respct fr uurslf!

    So its nt a prob u c…It human to fall in sch situations nothing worng with tha.
    But if u fall in sch traps more too often then babe u need sm atntn. Atntn f ur FRIENDS. And u got2 Ask fr it! Khuda nahi ha koi yahan! Got2 give thm even a wee bit f chance.If u jst isolate urslf, dn picup phcals thn ur friends cant do mch u . Logical?

  17. ira Says:

    neo>I know you guys are more than there for me always. I cherish that so much, I'm afraid of losing it. Maybe thats why I dont come upto you ever time. Although lately, I've been banking on you a lot! Bigaad diya hai mujhey! :D Thanks for always being there.
    As for me not taking calls and let you guys reach me, I guess a little bit of solving problems on my own is also very important. What'll I do when I go to LA?