Try as I may, there are some things that I just can not change. These things over shadow all the rest of my efforts and I am back to square one at the end of the long day.

I used to be very emotional. In the sense that I always needed someone for sharing my joy, happiness, anger, troubles, problems anything.. I was not emotionally strong enough. I feel I have come a long way. I feel proud to say that there is not one person anymore whom I'm dependent on. Without whom I would feel handicapped. No sir, and that is an achievement for me. It was about time I learnt this.

I was weak and in capable of looking after myself. I am now more independent than most people my age, living by myself all alone in this alien country fending for myself doing everything for myself. I needed to learn this as it was about time I left the nest of my parents and learnt to handle the big-bad-world head on.

I used to let anybody wreck my life into pieces, being so sensitive. I was told that "making me happy is nobody's obligation". I feel proud to say that no one, absolutely no one can take the smile off my face anymore. My heart is now like a brick wall that is quite difficult to penetrate.

Having said all this, there are many things that I can still not control. Try as I may, I just can not.. These weaknesses haunt me like a ghost. Bringing back skeletons from the past slapping me whack on my face and making me feel like a loser.

Is it alright for me, not to apply the above rules for ONE person in my life? Or am I being foolish in doing so? Is this where the key to my ultimate isolation n happiness lies?

I wonder...

I'm hurting...
caboodle mix :: , , edit post
4 Responses
  1. Sandi Says:

    I have seen a change in you since I first started reading your blog. And remember, those are YOUR rules - you can amend them as you need to. Just remember, above all else, take care of yourself.

    And I love the new look of your blog! Very cheery.

  2. sundeep Says:

    Seems like after a good spell of happinesses you again sad!

    I will advice you to be strong.

    Take care.

  3. ira Says:

    I know I have to take care of myself.. at times I feel weak.. like right now..
    Yes sundeep, and its come in bundles this time..! how're you?

  4. sundeep Says:

    As usual I m Great ,just listen to some Music and just forget everything ,believe me it works...!