Since April last year my hair have grown from a silly bob that lingered around my ear lobes to a silky long stream of brownish black curls brushing the upper edge of my waste line! This is the fastest they've ever grown and I love all the compliments I get when I let them lose! Every time they brush against my arm, they give me a high! :)

My days have turned into a restless turmoil as I keep fearing the worst regarding my university applications. I have re-re-read all the documents I'd sent in hope of finding explanations for this delay in admits. All in vain, for everything seems to be right in place. The voice of the pessimist in me growing louder and stronger with each passing day, each taxing hour. So far, I have received one rejection and six more results are awaited. As I desperately refresh my mailbox every night every few minutes in hope of some progress, A has already started checking the ranking of his university on the "University's Hottest Babes" list on Edulix! Feels like sand grains slipping through my fingers. What gets to me is that I'm not clinging onto them, I'm just very curious about what comes off our relationship. Whats more amusing is how my parents seem to understand (more than anybody else) my anxiety regarding my applications and my fear of living away from him. Although, any hope that anybody tries to restore in me is useless, it just bounces off me without touching even the most exterior shells of my soul. Guess, I must really want to live this myself and face it full on, alone.

A few months back I got an ugly scar on the back of my hand while I was baking Chicken Tikkas(slurp!). I learnt not to insert my hand into the oven(a conventional grilled one) without wearing oven gloves. The mark is still quite prominent and looked ugly to me until a friend assured that it looked pretty cause the image of it was linked to me in his mind! On another crazy evening an old friend proposed to marry me and promised to fly down to Delhi in the very next flight to steal me away from all my worries, if I said YES. I admit a selfish part in me felt good about the whole deal of being loved by someone so much although I could not accept.

Its weird how little baubles like a book, a tune, a fragrance can unbolt a plethora of thoughts in one's mind that he dint even know existed in him. Maybe our minds have secret compartments, the key to which is held within us to find! I took a local on my way back home last Saturday when a tune from someone's cell phone caught my attention and did just that to me! It took me 8 years back to a teenage love and a wonderful evening we'd spent in a secluded place full of rocks and trees on the outer skirts of the city. I could recollect what both of us were wearing and even snippets from our conversation that evening! The silly plastic card he'd given me and the rose with withered petals he'd somehow managed to save until sunset :) First thing I did on reaching home was to retrieve the song and listen to it fifteen times until the evening was alive in me once again. Although it was a lifetime ago and we're far from feeling that way for each other anymore, the memories brought a warmth in my heart that had gone missing for a while now.

*I could not write one big post so compiled the little ones nagging in my head in these paragraphs.
caboodle mix :: edit post
15 Responses
  1. Sandi Says:

    What a poignant post. Hope everything works out well for you regarding the University - but I know how difficult that "limbo" state can be. You have so many adventures ahead of you.

  2. ash89 Says:

    nice post. N even I associate some people n some memories with certain songs. N it brings a smile on my face whenever I hear these songs.

  3. ira Says:

    Oh! its like a curse! :/
    I hope so too! :)

    Ash> I got reminded of a vacation at my grand parents place when I was screwing nuts into my project! Grandpa had taught me the right way to do that about 17years back!! :) I love these games memory plays with us. :)

  4. Monk Says:

    App kaho to main bhii dilli aa jaaon abhi! ;) bt seriously m doing good ... lotsa work so no tym to blog!

  5. monk Says:

    aur haan ... tension nahi le ... tujhe chahiye to jaayegi US ... pakka! :)

  6. CM-Chap Says:

    Hair.. to a silky long stream of brownish black curls brushing the upper edge of my waste line - wow... I'm always a big time fan for it

    On another crazy evening an old friend proposed to marry me - So ur on a high now :-)

  7. Sandhya Says:


    Long hair:-) i just die for them.....

  8. ira Says:

    monk> about going to US? I just need to know whats happening, this state where I'm kinda latka hua is too frustrating. Lets see..

    CM-Chap(is that what I call you? :-O) Not exactly on a high, but yeah, was good to know that someone should love me so much. Oh! I like my hair! :)

    Sandhya> Thanks! :)

  9. Dagny Says:

    I like the fact that u can put it down in words, and not shy away from it.

    It'll be alright, and life wasn't made to be easy. We're just learning it the hard way :|

  10. ira Says:

    I dint get what you're talking about?!

  11. Dagny Says:

    random thoughts :D

  12. Dagny Says:

    Don't sign out lines, don't deny your thoughts. Thats unlike you.

    Love You! :)

  13. ira Says:

    had to!
    never mind, maybe I over reacted and its not good to hurt someone.

  14. ira Says:

    Oh! love you soo....! :)

  15. neo Says:

    I love this 1 ! Hehe! Memories ! They are jst awesm…
    U r a princess castigated, in n imaginalry cage made by ur own thots….
    But jo bhi ha … u r a nice baby …