I need to make some serious changes with myself. These few things are the the building blocks of 'me', my character, and they seem to be suckin out the happiness of my life.
I blame it all to my mother, ever since I've become able to understand spoken language and speak myself,she'd tell us that things had a proper reason behind them.( she's a science teacher). She completely forbade us from beleiving things like, 'a black cat crossin ur path is unlucky' (what about those who own black cats?). We were allowed to question anything that did not seem to satisfy our brains ( that had started working on the science of reasoning). We'd analyse every situation,every instruction everything said to us (not scrutinize for mistakes, but be satisfied that what had been said, made sense. ), in every aspect. (thus, ruining my life) My parents encouraged this. (as long as I did not cross my limits. Which I scarcely do.)
Unless I get proper explanations behind anything, I cant seem to accept them. (unless its ten minutes before the exam and Anchit begs me, "pl ratt le..!!" (just mug it) lol! ) If there is somethin bothering me, then I cant breath easy till the time its sorted out completely in my head. Till then, it keeps nagging at me.
People say I've stopped talking lately (no shrey, I havn't I just screen more finely before talking) I try to explain things to myself. (as far as possible ) I am not a dreamer but a thinker.
Vishu ,the malayali new year falls on the first day of malayali month of Medam according to the Kollam calander. This year, it is on April 14th. Legend has it that the Kollam Era began on the day Parashurama, the sixth incarnition of Lord Vishnu, created Kerela while making the waters of the Arabian sea recede when he flung his axe at it. Religious solemnity marks the day for the unostentatious malayalis, who's celeberations are relatively low scale in pomp and gaiety.
The main ritual on this day is 'vishukani' or 'kanikanal' (first sight). People beleive that the first things they see on vishu morning will have a bearing on their prosperity in the coming year. A ritual arrangement of auspicious articles like gold ornaments,rice grains , fresh linen, coconut, yellow cucumber, a metal mirror, coins and yellow kanipoo (cassia flowers) are kept before a garlanded portrait of shree krishna along with a lighted lamp.
prepared vishikani
Children are brought blind folded from their rooms to see the vishukani after the elders have had their darshan at the crack of dawn. Until last year, I went through the motions mechanically. I was more interested in the vishu kaineetam, wherein elders give children and younger family members cash, gifts etc. This was said to ensure the receivers prosperity. The welcome addition to out pocket money made vishu attractive to my cousins and me.
But this year I decided to find out all that I am writing right now. Ritual of vishukani became a matter of deep faith. I had realised by then that surrender to god was the basis of all success in life. So, the lords darshan before entering the new year infused me with confidence to face life's turbulances with equanimity. The experiance became both humling and empowering.
kanipoo
Many people in kerala perform vishukani in temples. This is later distributed among the poor. New clothes, fire crackers, and a grant saadya (feast) are other attractions. Though lakhs of malayalis have set up home far from Kerela's palm-fringed beaches, they celeberate vishu as an article opf faith at home and through malayali associations.
saadya
I can be really unreasonable at times, things that do not consern me take up my mind and can bother me endlessly. Keep eating me up from inside and 'me' the wonderer,cant help but give food to these thoughts. Let them peturb me. Something similar happened two months back.
The reason I shall not discuss, but it was something that kept botherin me. Somehow I feel that it was linked to me, which maybe it is but persay. I could do without bothering about it. I'd really like to learn to deal with such situations. Maybe I have, but not learnt to deal with them but to live with them. I'v learnt to myself and not let them bother me so much..
But there are times, I cant let them not affect me. I get restless, uncomfortable. I know I could try talking to someone,but what do I say? and should I say? Am I being stupid and overreacting? Oh! God, whatever the solution, give it to me. Atleast I'd be peaceful for once in a long time. It just keeps nagging and nagging and nagging. (fucking things just dont stop suckin at my blood. ) Life sucks! Waiting for the lines from my forehead to vanish,atleast for now I'd be releived.
What is life? Why do people want to be the best?
THOUGHTS:
1. DU left...
Friday, 7 April 2006 3:25 am
I guess its coz we get just one chance.. n thats all we have so most of us do tend to try n make the best of it.. 95% of ppl try while the remaining actually succeed.. and fame or goldmines dont really count.. i dont kno then what does :p, but its something else, they all say!!
2. ira left...
Friday, 7 April 2006 2:20 pm
ahaan...dont u think we(95%) get lost strivingfor the mines..coz we have just one chance...while we could actually make the best of it...by other means???whateva...guess it'd be solved ven we realise what actually matters...cud be diff. for diff ppl..but yeah...guess dats it..
3. Anand left...
Friday, 7 April 2006 9:02 pm
what is life??? Very BIG question .... no one has found an answer yet!!! :-D Why do v wanna b d best? thts coz its normal human tendency ... survival of the fittest ... v wanna b tops alwez! n thers nothin wrong in tryin 2 b! n v dont "get lost" ... v choose a path n try to make the best outta it. ultimately its nt the path tht matters ... its how satisfied v r aftr v walk dwn it! as for the goldmines...v al need a lil pat on da back sumtimes ... dnt v? :-)
