I am a very weak person when it comes to handling emotions. I do not joke when I say that my body aches when I am hurt. I can relate to the term "heart ache". I resort to making my self unconscious when I am that way. May it be by sleeping off by having pills or getting myself drunk to the limit that I can feel no more.

I do not deny that I am hurting while I write this. I have tried streching all limits within me. I have locked myself up, emotionally.

I hurt myself so I do not feel the pain that these emotions bring to me. I can still feel the blood sticking to my sleeves when I slit my wrists again and again that night, till I could feel no more. Its been seven months. I hate to admit, it made me feel better. I hate to admit that the pain soothed me. I hate to admit I do not share my feelings anymore because it hurts more not to share and somehow the hurt soothes me.

I am a very passionate person. I hate like venom. I love like a child. I care like a mother. I cry like a baby.

I have a job. I am confident enough that I can make it to a decent university. I have the most wonderful family in the world and yet, I am very sad. I do not remember the last time I was happy.

With each passing day I turn closer to becoming a stone. I am getting there. I am proud of myself for not being dependent on the people that I used to bank on for my life.

I am scared.
caboodle mix :: , , edit post
15 Responses
  1. sundeep Says:

    Be careful.......

    Your site is really great but
    there is a poem I wrote just for you:

    "Mirror,mirror tell me something,
    Will I Get my past happy days,
    Please give me anything!"

    "What should I give you my dear child?
    Don't you know this sometimes ,
    Life can be wild."

    "These days are full of madness and sorrow so strong,
    Please tell me whether I had done anything wrong?"

    "No it's not you alone that are sad,
    there are people around , just like you,
    That are equally not glad..............."

  2. Sam Says:

    I'm there if you need to talk!

  3. sundeep Says:

    Hey Can I put a link to your blog from mine?

  4. barty Says:

    (super-tight, rib-crunching hug)
    That is about all I know how to do/say without making a fool of myself. I hope you feel better, and soon - and at the risk of being an echo, I am here to talk to as well.

  5. Anonymous Says:

    hey!ur posts r really great as i may have said earlier...but hope not all of this post was true...i totally identify with ur being hurt part ...bein passionate... becomin a stone...in fact all of it,but really hope that the slittin of wrists isn't true..

    well i do feel the same as u a lot of times...u could probably give me ur e-mail address if we cold talk :)..take care!

  6. Sandi Says:

    I'm so sorry about your hurt and your pain. I hope that you can find solace in writing your feelings down and knowing that there are people who care about you.

  7. ira Says:

    sundeep> Yes you can. How did you get to my blog?

    Sam> I know!

    Sandi> This place is where I can write all I want.

    anonymous> How about giving a name?

    Barty> Anyway of expressing feelings can never be stupid. It could be different, but not stupid. Thanks, it felt good!

  8. sundeep Says:

    You are quite famous ...........

    That's how I got to your Blog.........

  9. sundeep Says:

    Sorry it was a mistake.......

    I should have asked you first.

  10. sundeep Says:

    Hey I am also doing Be in comps.
    I am in the third year.
    What's your discipline?

  11. ira Says:

    Its fine, I said you could. But then I found that you already had. I am in my fourth year, ECE.

  12. sundeep Says:

    So Then I guess your my senior...

  13. ira Says:

    senior, by a year???

  14. Prateek Shah Says:

    u know, u leave me speechless..
    its good in a way to come out wid ur emotions.. but , somehow this post just beats me.. this is way too intense..

  15. Dagny Says:

    Intense! n i relate to it, kudos amigo!