I am a very weak person when it comes to handling emotions. I do not joke when I say that my body aches when I am hurt. I can relate to the term "heart ache". I resort to making my self unconscious when I am that way. May it be by sleeping off by having pills or getting myself drunk to the limit that I can feel no more.
I do not deny that I am hurting while I write this. I have tried streching all limits within me. I have locked myself up, emotionally.
I hurt myself so I do not feel the pain that these emotions bring to me. I can still feel the blood sticking to my sleeves when I slit my wrists again and again that night, till I could feel no more. Its been seven months. I hate to admit, it made me feel better. I hate to admit that the pain soothed me. I hate to admit I do not share my feelings anymore because it hurts more not to share and somehow the hurt soothes me.
I am a very passionate person. I hate like venom. I love like a child. I care like a mother. I cry like a baby.
I have a job. I am confident enough that I can make it to a decent university. I have the most wonderful family in the world and yet, I am very sad.
With each passing day I turn closer to becoming a stone. I am getting there. I am proud of myself for not being dependent on the people that I used to bank on for my life.
I am scared.
Be careful.......
Your site is really great but
there is a poem I wrote just for you:
"Mirror,mirror tell me something,
Will I Get my past happy days,
Please give me anything!"
"What should I give you my dear child?
Don't you know this sometimes ,
Life can be wild."
"These days are full of madness and sorrow so strong,
Please tell me whether I had done anything wrong?"
"No it's not you alone that are sad,
there are people around , just like you,
That are equally not glad..............."
I'm there if you need to talk!
Hey Can I put a link to your blog from mine?
(super-tight, rib-crunching hug)
That is about all I know how to do/say without making a fool of myself. I hope you feel better, and soon - and at the risk of being an echo, I am here to talk to as well.
hey!ur posts r really great as i may have said earlier...but hope not all of this post was true...i totally identify with ur being hurt part ...bein passionate... becomin a stone...in fact all of it,but really hope that the slittin of wrists isn't true..
well i do feel the same as u a lot of times...u could probably give me ur e-mail address if we cold talk :)..take care!
I'm so sorry about your hurt and your pain. I hope that you can find solace in writing your feelings down and knowing that there are people who care about you.
sundeep> Yes you can. How did you get to my blog?
Sam> I know!
Sandi> This place is where I can write all I want.
anonymous> How about giving a name?
Barty> Anyway of expressing feelings can never be stupid. It could be different, but not stupid. Thanks, it felt good!
You are quite famous ...........
That's how I got to your Blog.........
Sorry it was a mistake.......
I should have asked you first.
Hey I am also doing Be in comps.
I am in the third year.
What's your discipline?
Its fine, I said you could. But then I found that you already had. I am in my fourth year, ECE.
Famous??
So Then I guess your my senior...
senior, by a year???
BLAH!
u know, u leave me speechless..
its good in a way to come out wid ur emotions.. but , somehow this post just beats me.. this is way too intense..
Intense! n i relate to it, kudos amigo!